What Self-Love Has Taught Me About Mistakes

Mistakes never feel pleasant and even though they are unintentional we often punish ourselves as if they were. I used to punish myself for mistakes I made in childhood and for the mistakes that no one knew about, like when I was a new mom and got frustrated not knowing why Caleb was crying and yelled 'WHAT DO YOU WANT?!' at him. It scared us both. But my run-ins with mistakes have been a journey all on their own.

How I responded to them revealed to me a few things that I was unaware of about myself.

Mistakes revealed that I was insecure with so much to unpack to get to the roots of it. Insecurity comes from a place of perceived unworthiness and this was a huge pill to swallow. I presented myself as this confident, life of the party, 'Miss Thang' *two finger snaps* but just below the surface I was afraid that people wouldn't like the real me. Fear fueled every thought that said I wasn't good enough as well as the behaviors that were telling of my belief in those thoughts. Some of the mistakes I made were a direct result of the insecurity that consumed me. Whether I was sacrificing myself to stay in relationships/friendships, or not reporting sexual harassment at work to keep my job, I was never advocating for myself but always trying to in some way please everyone else. People-pleasing is fear-driven and a telltale sign of insecurity. It was one of the survival mechanisms I learned as a child. This toxic habit grew even more challenging when the depression settled in.

Mistakes helped to reveal the inner conflict I was experiencing. Yes, I was a people-pleaser but* I was deeply angry about it. I found myself expecting other people to treat me the way I treated them, love me the way I loved them, and show up for me the way I showed up for them. I was disappointed frequently and because being hurt was too painful, anger was the emotion I felt more comfortable expressing. This wasn't fair to them or me but it didn't stop there. I judged them the way I judged myself when I couldn't be everything for everyone and there was another side of me that had to defend herself from this judgment. I was the judge and the defendant/victim. Part of me was good at judging and part was fluent in abuse. This inner conflict contributed to preventing me from connecting with myself emotionally and maturing in my emotional development and overall wellness.

Mistakes revealed that there was an opportunity to expand in self-love. After years and years of insecurity that dimmed my light to a flicker and inner conflict that disconnected my mind from the rest of my body, I had gotten to what I came to realize was the darkest space I had ever been. I was scheduled for plastic surgery for all of the wrong reasons and one day I was present enough for long enough to be aware of myself and the contents of my mind as two separate entities. I knew then that I was about to make a huge mistake and it was time to get to know the real me. I never got that surgery. Sometimes before but certainly after every mistake, there is a chance to have self-compassion and to love ourselves stronger.

Self-love has taught me that mistakes are part of our design. We are perfectly imperfect beings who get the opportunity to expand in self-love not only by way of accomplishments but also by way of setbacks. How incredible is that? No matter what you have done or didn't do, what you have said or didn't say, your past, or the negative contents of your mind, you get to choose to love yourself now. Not because you deserve it but because it is what you are worthy of. I am so grateful for the mistakes that I have made and the mistakes that I will make in my life because they can be grounding and they always present an opportunity to know ourselves more. The day I chose to walk in my purpose as a self-love coach

was the day I stopped running from who I have always known myself to be.

SenterME is the solution to the problem I experienced on my journey to emotional wellness by way of self-love. I was in therapy but I didn't have a community of women who were on the same journey to surround myself with. Having support that you can depend on, especially during those times when you make a mistake and revert to being hard and unkind to yourself, makes a tremendous difference in how you expand and ultimately evolve in self-love. Learn more about becoming a member of SenterME and how we reward you for taking up space! Comment below with your thoughts on this post. Like and share to help us give love more space to expand.

Remember, wellness is your birthright and self-love is true freedom.