Letting Go of Your Inner Tyrant for Peace of Mind

'...I desire the best for myself and others. It is important to me that I show up and be the person others can depend on. I take pride in my expression and creativity. There is so much love within me eager to burst out.

But I am afraid that needing to make things perfect, the guilt I experience when I do something for myself, the intrusive thoughts, the inability to trust others to do anything that I can do myself, and the ever-present self-isolating behavior due to constant judgment is causing me more difficult emotions and creating an internal environment that I cannot enjoy.

It must come to an end. And so, I am making the decision to let go of the version of myself who is untrusting, conditional in her love, and chooses to struggle alone in silence, my inner tyrant, I release you with love so that I may expand in love...' -With Presence, Charlotte.

This excerpt represents the many journal entries, therapeutic conversations, and reflective check-ins over the years that were necessary to let go of my inner tyrant and invite not only the experience of peace of mind but complete self-enjoyment. In this post, we are going to explore the inner tyrant, why her reign must come to an end, and how to let her go.

Who is the inner tyrant?

The inner tyrant is the version of ourselves born from trauma, fear, and/or judgment. She is conditional in nature and requires a lot of energy because she's always right. Did everyone in the back hear me? If you are wondering if there exists an inner tyrant within you, keep reading. Let's explore some of her characteristics:

She asks lots of Prevention Questions. These are questions that prevent us from returning to our wholeness and exploring ourselves. They can be triggering and trap us in a constant loop of the past or worry-spiral in anticipation of the future. Some examples are: 'Why me?' 'What if they don't like me?' 'Why did they treat me this way?' 'What if I am not good enough?' 'What if they think less of me?'

She has a scarcity mindset. Be it constantly in survivor mode or constant fear of loss, her beliefs are rooted in scarcity and because of this, she may have unhealthy attachment styles prioritizing possession over experience. A scarcity mindset fuels insecurity which could result in people-pleasing, toxic relationships, and self-loathing.

She perceives herself as indispensable in her professional and personal spheres. The belief that tasks won't be executed as effectively by others may lead to a reluctance to share responsibilities, take a step back, or delegate tasks. This behavior reinforces the belief that taking time for oneself is a luxury she can't afford. Unwillingness to delegate tasks at work or home can amplify the burden on an individual and contribute to the inability to trust.

She is a die-hard perfectionist (show me a perfectionist who isn't). Striving for perfection in both professional and personal roles can lead to an unrelenting work ethic, leaving little room for self-care. The pursuit of perfection may create a cycle of setting unrealistic standards and constant striving. This can undoubtedly put a strain on relationships and cause imbalance.

She often compares herself with others. Constantly comparing oneself to others, especially in terms of achievements and productivity, can create a sense of inadequacy. This comparison mindset may drive her to push herself even harder neglecting her well-being. Comparison too creates a sense of inadequacy and robs us of one of the most effective energy/mood boosters, gratitude.

If any of these characteristics feel familiar, then Sis, you may have an inner tyrant.

What do you really have to lose?

If your inner tyrant continues to live rent-free in the confines of your internal space, you will miss out on a liberated sense of well-being. The benefits of this release are vast. Improved emotional wellness being one of them, comes with mood consistency, optimal self-regulation, and a healthy response to self. Your mental and physical health will also improve contributing to greater daily fulfillment. Letting go of your inner tyrant creates space for personal and professional development, growth, and success.

When we aren't comparing ourselves to others we are making more connections and building a network/community around ourselves that creates support systems, strategic partnerships, and healthy interdependent relationships. This immerses you into a safe space, savoring every moment of this journey and mastering the art of creating space for yourself. This also includes delegating and asking for help whenever you need it. You navigate stress with so much ease because you are no longer restricted by cultural/societal expectations, judgment, and fear.

Last but certainly not least, letting go of your inner tyrant allows for true work-life harmony and it's no wonder being as though you now have the confidence to ask for help, prioritize your well-being, and set boundaries to secure balance. To say the least, letting go of your inner tyrant is one of the greatest investments for your future self.

Are you ready to let go of your inner tyrant?

So let's get to releasing your inner tyrant with love, shall we?

• One of my biggest tips is to get into the habit of noticing yourself to grow more familiar with your inner tyrant's characteristics and the beliefs, behaviors, and emotions associated with them. For example, rushing takes more than it gives allowing for little benefit and an increased probability of errors, accidents, and missed opportunities. In short, rushing is just not worth it. Rushing is usually a result of perceived time scarcity, so when you notice yourself rushing stop and take a moment to identify the belief that is threatened. What emotions are you experiencing? What stories are you telling yourself about arriving late/tardiness?

• This brings me to my next tip, create gentle and compassionate responses to yourself. It's all about setting up systems to cultivate an internal environment that is secure, healthy, free, peaceful, and in harmony. Here are a few examples of what this would look like:

  • For every negative and intrusive thought, meet it with affirmations. Pro tip: your affirmations should be strategic in that they challenge your insecurities and fears to build security and confidence.

  • When you experience difficult, uncomfortable, or intense emotions such as fear, anger, sadness, or grief, create space for them to keep it R.E.A.L.. Suppressing them doesn't make them go away and only causes more stress on your mental and physical health. Want Keep It R.E.A.L. support? Join our upcoming Keep It R.E.A.L. Journaling Jam sessions.

  • Whenever your energy is off (ex. tired, irritable, unable to focus), take time to assess your needs. At SenterME, we call this a Check-in. This allows you to ask the Golden Question, 'What do I need right now?' Keep in mind that your needs can be environmental, physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Eventually, you'll begin to anticipate your needs and prioritize them to maintain mood consistency, optimal expression, and presence.

  • Set boundaries that keep you from giving all that you have leaving nothing for yourself. This may be difficult in the beginning but boundaries are essential for securing balance, building trust in yourself, and harmonizing your internal and external environments.

• Quiet your inner tyrant with kindness. Your inner tyrant isn't big on celebrating unless certain conditions are met. So celebrate yourself regularly for any and everything! Creating space for celebration is an act of radical self-love. It stimulates feel-good feelings not to mention feel-good hormones such as serotonin and dopamine. There are two ways I like to celebrate myself, doing and being.

  • Celebrate your doing: small wins, big wins, self-advocacy, creating space for yourself, meeting your needs, affirming yourself, enforcing boundaries, doing your best, and saving some of you for yourself.

  • Celebrate your being: Breathing (yes, celebrate the fact that you are breathing if not anything else). Learning from your mistakes, giving yourself grace, choosing gratitude, not taking it personally, choosing peace, and choosing to flow.

Another way to quiet your inner tyrant with kindness is to journal love letters to yourself. Below are journal prompts that encourage patience and acceptance which are both required in letting go of your inner tyrant. Cultivating a language that introduces kindness, self-love, and empowerment from affirmations and celebrating yourself to love letters to yourself shifts your mindset, reshapes your reality, and transforms you into the benevolent master of self.

1. Write a love letter to yourself expressing your unconditional self-love. Address any conditions you no longer subscribe to.

2. Write a love letter to yourself declaring your self-acceptance. Address any insecurities and the behaviors that will support your acceptance of them.

3. Write a love letter to yourself apologizing to yourself. Address any unrealistic expectations and unfair treatment of self such as not creating space, not asking for help, and self-loathing.

Showering yourself with love is the key to letting go of your inner tyrant. You will find yourself playing more, creating from a secure space, taking every chance to laugh, and because you are ushering yourself into an abundance mindset you'll have time to pick up a hobby or two. Hobbies are mechanisms of pure enjoyment that help us to maintain harmony and balance. At SenterME, hobbies are one of the five pillars of a thriving self-love environment.

Try at least one of the tips daily or weekly to begin letting go of your inner tyrant for peace of mind.

You are worthy of a life that is free and well. You are purposeful, attractive to all you desire, abundant, and present. You are strong, divine, powerful, and enough.

Do you struggle with an inner tyrant? Was this post helpful? Let us know in the comments. We are dedicated to creating a clear path to emotional wellness and stress relief for women professionals and invite you to join our community by subscribing to our weekly newsletter. You'll receive tips, upcoming events, journal prompts, and more! Signup below.

Remember, wellness is your birthright and self-love is true freedom.